In my late teens and twenties, I suffered from severe depression.
I used to lie in bed every night and pray that by some magical stroke of mercy, the bed would swallow me up while I slept and I’d finally be granted a pardon from this life sentence. And every morning, I woke up, sinking a little deeper into my bed, into my depression, as I realized I was still alive.
One particular morning, I became so angry I yelled, “I DON’T F***ING WANT TO FEEL THIS ANYMORE!!”
My body let out a blood curdling scream of desperation, the intensity of which surprised me. I lay in bed for a moment, shocked at the power from which the scream emerged.
And then I heard, “Feel it more.”
I didn’t exactly hear it with my ears. It was more like a whisper from the depths of my soul, a small urging from within.
My first reaction was defensive. “Are you f***ing kidding me?” (I was pretty angry back then). But as my ego subsided and my mind quieted, I heard it again: “Feel it more.”
I closed my eyes, somehow trusting, and took a deep, long breath.
Before I could exhale, a surge of raw, unfiltered sorrow emerged from deep within me and radiated out through every cell of my body.
Scared and trembling, I continued to breathe.
There was no resistance. I had surrendered.
Like a wave, it washed over and through me, and then was gone. There was nothing left but silence.
The most profound peace I had ever felt.
I felt a divine union with God, with my soul, with life.
Since that day, though it didn’t happen overnight, my depression has dissolved into a radiant, inner joy; and when painful emotions arise, I recognize that they’re here to help me connect more intimately. By embracing and accepting my emotions without any attempts to resist or judge, it opens a doorway into my soul, showing me who I really am.
In that simple act of surrender, I’m released from its painful grip.
[This is an excerpt from the best-selling book “365 Ways to Connect With Your Soul”]